126: What If the New Year Feels Like Leaving Your Baby Behind?

New Year’s Eve. It’s supposed to be a celebration. A fresh start. A clean slate.

But when your baby died this year, or any year, stepping into January feels more like betrayal than a new beginning.

I remember this feeling so well. The pressure to toast at midnight, make resolutions, and somehow “move on” with everyone else. But all I could think was… how do I go into a new year without my baby?

In this episode, I’m talking about that strange ache so many of us carry into the New Year after stillbirth, the ache of leaving the year your baby lived in, and the fear that turning the calendar means leaving them behind.

You’re not alone in this. You’re not broken for feeling this way. And you absolutely can step into the new year without stepping away from your baby.

I’ll share stories from other moms, a few powerful reframes, and gentle ways to honor your grief, and your baby, while allowing yourself to move forward with love and hope.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode:

• Why the New Year feels like an emotional landmine after loss
• What no one tells you about the “line in the sand” that the calendar creates
• How to carry your baby with you into the future... not leave them behind
• Real examples from moms who created their own quiet traditions for New Year’s Eve
• A powerful reframe on setting intentions vs. resolutions
• What to do if you're feeling pressure to "be better" or "move on"
• Small rituals to make this New Year more gentle and intentional

https://navigatingbabyloss.com/workshop

Free workshop for moms grieving stillbirth or pregnancy loss. Learn simple, trauma-informed practices to release guilt, calm the what-ifs, and honor your baby's memory with love instead of pain. Includes bonus Grief & Guilt Release Journal.

Download my FREE "Guilt and Grief Release Journal" at navigatingbabyloss.com/journal

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Transcript

 Here we are New Year's . It's supposed to be hopeful. Remember the New Year's Eves of the past when you were so carefree, maybe you went out and did fun things. You stayed out all night long, you made sure to toast midnight. It was so. Joyful and it just marked this amazing start to the new year.

And here you are. Here you are. I remember this so well. This feeling of just complete disappointment, yet also wanting to hurry up and get to the next year because please can we have this year over with. It's just such, but I think the most confusing thing is in the, I think the most confusing thing that no one told me about was the feeling of that drawing of the line in the sand where I felt like it was leaving my baby behind in the previous year.

So when you're having this. Holiday, I guess we call it, where it's all about fresh starts and new possibilities and new you, you. The last thing you wanna do is step into the new year. You just want the old year back. You just wanna redo. And when your baby isn't here, you feel like you're forced to leave them behind and it's really unbearable.

Because I think a lot of. Are you asking yourself things like, what if going forward means forgetting them? What if it makes me lose them even more? I'm scared to lose the memory of them. So today we're gonna talk a little bit about how to step into the new year, keeping your baby close, keeping those memories alive because hope and remembrance.

Are possible. It is possible, and I teach a lot about that in my Stillbirth roadmap course, is I teach them all about like bringing, integrating your baby's life into your future. Because I couldn't stand that thought on New Year's Eve standing there thinking, this is it. I'm gonna have to leave my babies behind and I'm supposed to go on with this new year and this new life, and this re rejuvenated me and leave them behind, and I just couldn't do it.

So I teach you all about how it is possible to do that.

Is.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could just turn the calendar on grief and just be like, well, it's a new year, I guess I'm good. It's done that. Thank goodness that that's done. And it, it does feel like it should be that way because we've always been conditioned to start fresh in the new year.

You get a new calendar, you get a new, you get new everything. Leave the past behind. But when you're a lost mom, that feels like abandonment and it's really uncomfortable and it's something very few people talk about.

If this is the year that your baby died, closing this chapter might feel impossible. And I promise it's still hard of years later because. Your baby. You realize like your baby's always gonna be that one year behind that one more year. One more year, one more year, and it's so unnatural for moms to want to leave your baby's behind and abandon them in any way.

Then there's the hopefulness, right? Like you, you feel like, oh my gosh, I'm supposed to be hopeful. I'm supposed to be excited about my future. I'm supposed to be making resolutions. Resolutions. I just want my baby back. I just want what I thought I was gonna have, what I thought I was supposed to have. And so it feels really like you're stuck in that moment that you lost them.

But I just wanna remind you, you're not stuck. You are honoring them and there's a big difference.

One of my moms that I work with decided she is gonna stay home because she could not stand the thought of all of the celebration around a new you, new new year, new you, and all of the pomp and circumstance, and. How that, that dividing line was gonna feel so good. So she and her husband stayed home and just did their own quiet dinner.

They wrote their baby a letter. They made some, they wrote down some dreams of what they thought the baby would be doing in this new year, and it felt really good. And they didn't even stay up till midnight. They just ended it early and it felt really good for them because. It felt like they then consciously brought the baby into the new year with them instead of leaving the baby behind.

So

that might be something that could be helpful for you. And then another client of mine last year went to a party. Another mom I worked with went to a party last year, last New Year's Eve, and ended up crying in the bathroom because she felt completely disconnected. She felt like a fish outta water when everyone else was so excited and so happy, and so joyful about starting the new year.

All she could do was realize that she just felt different. That this was not her, and it made her feel even more isolated. So I'm not saying don't go to parties. I'm saying assess where you are, make a plan. That's also something I teach in my Stillbirth Roadmap course, is I, I teach you, I have a actual download that you can print out and make a plan of when there's a special event.

How am I gonna handle it? How do I need to think about it? Who do I need to have help me with it? What are, what do I need to do if I need to change gears in the middle of it? It's so helpful. It's so helpful. So I don't ever want you to get caught in these kind of things alone.

Some fears are if I set goals for the new year. So I wanna address some common fears that you might be having if you are feeling a little bit better. If you are feeling like you're gonna tackle this new year, hallelujah. This old years behind you,

but you have these, but you have these thoughts. That are, if I set goals for the new year, does that mean that I'm moving on? What does that mean about me? Will people expect me to be better?

But maybe not saying them, but this is definitely a common thread that we are all thinking,

and I am just here to tell you, the new year does not erase your baby. Your baby was here. Your baby was meaningful. It's just another day. It's literally just another day, so don't make it mean more than it does. Don't put the pressure on New Year's. It's just a different day.

January 1st means nothing. Your grief does not have a calendar, and your baby will be with you every year going forward. Moving through time doesn't mean moving away from the love that you have.

You get to bring your baby with you in the future. You are not gonna be forever confined to the year they died because you get to bring them with you. You get to integrate them into your life.

And that's the most comforting thing at all of, and that's the most comforting thing that I wanna offer you you don't have to feel like you're leaving them behind you. You don't have to feel like this is gonna. Make a huge change because you're going into this next year and, and it means all kinds of things about you because it doesn't, what it only means is that there, there's an extra number on the end of the date.

That's it, that's all it means, because your life is exactly the same. That's unfortunate. Unfortunate, fortunately, and unfortunately, your life is not gonna change that much just because of one number added to the end of the calendar date.

But the good news about that is, is you don't have to feel any pressure to leave anything behind. You get to create your future how you want it. Create how your baby shows up in your future, however you want it. You can have hope and healing and still miss your baby. You can have hope, you can find healing and you can still miss your baby every single day.

You can set intentions for growth and, and. You can set your intentions for growth and still honor your loss, you get to do both. One does not cancel out the other. Only you can define what this new year means for you. And I am encouraging you to have some dreams. I am encouraging you to have a little hope, but none of that means that your baby doesn't come with you in all of it.

It doesn't have to even be about resolutions or huge changes. Maybe this year it's not. Maybe this year it's a little more focused on survival and taking teeny small steps towards feeling better and having progress. Maybe it's just about making it through one more day at a time. If you are in need of anything like that, I wanna encourage you to reach out to me.

This is the work I do every day with moms is I hold their hand as they make progress, and I show you the way. You do not have to do this alone. And if you're tired of doing it alone, maybe this year is the year that you give yourself that gift.

So maybe say something out loud to your baby when the clock strikes midnight, and let them know they're coming with you. Let them know that they belong with you this year and every year.

Set intentions, not resolutions. Instead of I will lose 20 pounds, say, I'm gonna honor my body and learn to love it again, instead of I will be happy again. Say, I will allow myself moments of peace and grace in the hard times. Instead of I, I need to move on from this. I'm going to move on. Say I am gonna find ways to integrate my baby into my life and remember them with so much love.

What's one thing that you can do this year to keep your baby's memory alive and with you? Think of something special that you can do or buy. Maybe it's a, maybe it's a new piece of jewelry. Maybe it's a new item around the house that you look at often. What is one new thing that you can do to keep your baby's memory alive throughout this whole year?

Give yourself grace when the struggle happens. This, just because it's a new year doesn't mean you're fixed, doesn't mean it's all better. Progress isn't linear. As you know. Some days are still gonna be hard, and that's okay. You are gonna likely grieve in January, just like you did in December.

Be willing to build a new vision. Be willing to build some new dreams of what you do want for yourself. This time next year. What if next year at this time your life could look completely different? I.

One thing that I know was helpful for me is I kept telling myself, my baby, would want me to live a good life, and so that was really always helpful. On these kind of occasions is I would remind myself, my babies wouldn't want me to suffer. They would want me to be, to have a good life.

They would want me to be good mom to their brothers. They would want me to have another baby. So see if you can tell, tell yourself that and find some comfort in that.

This new year can bring a whole new version of you to life. One who has this perspective that this loss has brought you one who loves ferociously more than you ever did, because you realize how precious life is. One that brings your baby with you in all of it, and you live your life because of your baby and, and the appreciation of the strength and resilience it took for you to get this far.

You don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be courageous enough to take the next step, whatever that is for you, one day at a time.

If you're ready to find something different, join me in my free upcoming workshop called Practical Ways to Release Guilt and Navigate Grief. I'm gonna teach you my three stop spiral guilt stopping spiral.

That will honestly change your life. And then we'll talk about rebuilding After Loss, trusting yourself again, and creating the kind of future that you want that will honor your baby. Go to navigating baby loss.com/workshop to get yourself registered

as we step into the new year. I want you to know this. Your baby is not being left behind. No one can do that. No number on the calendar is possible to do that. They are woven into every inch of your life for the rest of your life, and you are going to be okay next year will and can be a very different year for you.

And I would love to walk next to you as you do it. Until next week. I'll see you next week.

I'll see you next week and have a,

I will see you next week and please give yourself some grace as you enter this new year.